We’re gathering boxes and starting to pack stuff up for our move in a couple of weeks. Little Bella got caught up in all the excitement and the boxes too!

Tim and I moved into our apartment about a year and a half ago. We signed a one year lease at the end of January 2007. January 2008 came and went and no one said anything about signing again. We just kept paying our rent and we assumed that our lease went on month-to-month. A couple of weeks ago, we found a note on our door from the office that our lease would expire at the end of this month and we needed to come by the office by the 30th to renew. I’m not sure how they came up with June being our lease end date, but whatever.

I really love our place now. Its brand new, very spacious, close to everything we need, and only five minutes from my work. Tim really wanted a house though, so we’ve had our eyes and ears open for quite some time. Until now, we’ve not found anything we liked well enough to leave here. I’m still not 100% on board with the idea {probably about 85%} but we found a heck of a deal on a house. Its about 10 minutes from where we are now, in the area he’s been wanting to move to, and much closer to his daughter. The house is a newer home, probably less than 5 years old. It has a two car garage, three bedrooms, and two baths. And its the same price that we’re paying for our apartment. A big deal maker for me is that we’ll be able to have DirecTV and FINALLY ditch Comcast. {but that’s a whole other blog post in itself}

Anyway, we really lucked up on this house. We had heard of another house for rent and had gone to look at it. It was an older house with a really strange layout. We didn’t dig it at all. We noticed a house next door and a family moving out of it. The guy owned both houses and casually said to us that the other house was coming available too. We assumed it would be way more than what we wanted to pay, but asked his price and were pleasantly surprised. Immediately, we said we were interested and had rented it within the next three days. Our new landlord is taking the next two weeks to repaint the walls, have the carpet professionally cleaned, and have a cleaning crew get it spic and span. Then, we’ll be moving. I hate the moving process but look forward to living in our new home.

Last night I got in from work late and even though I was tired, I just couldn’t get to sleep. I guess I was still too wound up or something. After tossing and turning for quite some time, I remembered that I had some samples of a sleep aid in the cabinet and decided to give that a try. I rarely take any kind of medication, but I have several family members who work in different medical fields so I tend to accumulate samples of all kinds of stuff. Anywho… After about 30 minutes, I started feeling a little strange. I felt light-headed, my mouth was really dry and I felt sick to my stomach. Something just wasn’t right. Panic ensues. The bottle had been clearly marked with the manufacturer label and still sealed even. I only took one pill and I’m not allergic to anything that I know of. Cymbalta IS a sleep aid, right?! I leaned over and googled it on the Blackberry. Nope! It isn’t a sleep aid after all. Its an anti-depressant. And the side effects are dry mouth, nausea, constipation, increased sweating, decreased appetite, and sleepiness. Lovely! The sleepiness came, but the nausea kept me awake off and on all night. Needless to say, I learned my lesson. I won’t go digging into the the grab bag of samples again without fully knowing what I’m taking.

If you do, that would be a whole lot of NOTHIN! Out of my right ear anyway. I’ve had this reoccurring annoyance for the past couple of weeks. For days at a time, it feels like I have a huge wad of cotton stuck in my right ear and I can hardly hear anything out of it. Then all of a sudden it will clear up and all is well. Then a few days later, I’m all stopped up again. I don’t know if its sinuses or a big glop of earwax {gross, I know} or what but I’m seriously over it. Weird thing is, it doesn’t hurt at all… just annoys me to know end. I’m having to ask people over and over to repeat themselves. I’ve got a friend who swears by ear candling. Maybe I should give it a try…

For a while now, I’ve felt an emptiness in my heart and I’ve been hearing a voice in my head telling me that something was missing. And I know I’m not needing or searching for something unknown… its something that pulls me back over and over again when I get too far gone. I’m missing my relationship with God, my church, and church family.

When I first moved to the Chattanooga area, it took me a couple of years to find a church where I felt like I really belonged. When I found this church, I fell in love with it. The people were awesome, their beliefs were right in line with mine, and their worship services were so very uplifting. I was involved with the youth group, played on the softball team, and sang in the choir. There were a lot of younger people around my age and I absolutely loved going every time the doors were open.

Then there came a time when I was forced to make a job change and I found that I had fewer and fewer opportunities to go to church and be involved in the activities. Then one day I woke up and realized I hadn’t been to church in a year. A whole year! I’d run into my church friends and they’d always ask where I had been. “Working” was always my response… and for the most part, it was the truth.

In the last year, I can count the number of times I’ve been on one hand. And when I go, its just not the same now. All the people I used to hang out with are no longer there. Some have gotten married and moved away. The youth pastor and several others have been called to preach at other churches. And I learned this morning that the Pastor is resigning as of September to do missions work.

I understand that seasons come and pass and everything has its time and place. And perhaps that church was what I needed for a season. That was what I needed at that time and place in my life and there will be a new season with something different. But for now, I can’t help but feel a little lost until I figure out where I am to go next.